As a hospital executive for over 30 years, Morley Robbins became disenchanted with the “revolving door mentality” of these “illness maintenance” enterprises. He has dedicated the remainder of his career to “saving one starfish at a time” by coaching clients how to eat “real food” and thereby facilitating the process of natural healing. Morley is a “Health Futurist”, a certified Wellness Coach, a Certified Nutrition Educator, and a Functional Diagnostic Nutritionist. He works with Nexus Whole Health in the Chicago area. And he has a wicked sense of humor. He can be viewed on Youtube, reached online at firstname.lastname@example.org, and contacted by phone at 847.922.8061.
"Let's Get Sick!" - In 10 Easy Steps
“Without enough Magnesium, cells simply don’t work” — Lawrence M. Resnick, MD
Maybe it's a Mayan thing, what with the 2012 Armageddon approaching, but my new professional goal as a Wellness Coach is to teach you how to get sick!
Yeah, you read that right.
I've spent the last 30 years working in & for hospitals, so I'm quite good at it, having been immersed in illness for my entire professional life.
(But don't despair, should you NOT want to get sick, then just DON'T do what I recommend — are we clear on that premise?)
Let's Start With The Good News...
Here are some key trends indicating that we're getting sicker, faster in America:
- Despite spending $32B/year on statins, the rate of Coronary Heart Disease (CHD) has continued to grow at an accelerating rate since 1983 – up 85%;1
- Even though we're ingesting a mere 160 lbs of sugar/person each year, up from 3 lbs/person/year in Colonial days, the rate of Diabetes has now increased 300% in the past twenty years;2 and
- Even though we're swimming in dietary and supplementary Calcium, the rate of being diagnosed for Osteoporosis in America during the period 1984-1993 grew 700%.3 (No, that is NOT a typo...) More current date is not available.
Now for the bad news...WE MUST DO MORE!
If we are to sustain the stratospheric Ca/Mg ratio (the ratio of Calcium to Magnesium in our diet) that is fueling the alarming increase in disease as noted above, 4 we simply must take more aggressive measures to drive this imbalance even greater.
Keep in mind, for 3.5 million years early humans’ diet was an ideal 1:1 balance of Calcium to Magnesium. But about 100 years ago, our food started to change, in large part due to refining, the introduction of thousands of food additives, and the advent of carbohydrate-rich, carbonated drinks.
And we all know that, as a nation, we have a stunning Calcium deficiency, right?
I mean, why else would our bones keep breaking?
It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with Magnesium, Boron, Vitamin-K, saturated fats, Vitamin-C, protein levels and a dozen other key nutrients in our diet.4
As only America could, we have now created a dietary Ca/Mg ratio of 5:1.
Yes, a 500% increase is a good start, but not nearly enough if we're going to keep building bigger and more expensive hospitals.
We must all do our part — OK?
Before I reveal the 10 easy steps that will make us all sick, I must set two ground rules:
First, you must ignore the thousands of articles about magnesium deficiency (i.e. an outrageously high Ca/Mg ratio...). Most notable are: Guy E. Abraham5, Jerry K. Aikawa6, Bella T.7 and Burton M. Altura8, Thomas W. Anderson9, Jean Durlach10, Ka He11, H. Karppenan12, Fred A. Kummerow13, Kiang Liu14, Lawrence J. Resnick15, Robert K. Rude16, A.J. Schroeder17, Mildred S. Seelig18, and K.C. Thrivikraman19, Kenji Ueshima20, and Federica I. Wolf21.
These luminaries -- and dozens of other magnesium researchers -- are just a bunch of losers who simply won't quit whining about the need for "more Maggie!"
Secondly, you must ignore the fact that magnesium is a key catalytic agent and is involved in over 325 metabolic processes in the body, most notably energy, metabolism, and detoxification. 22
Ready then? Here we go...
Let’s Get Sick in 10 Easy Steps!
Here's my simple -- and clinically proven -- 10-step "Let's Get Sick!" program that ensures our bodily Ca/Mg rat
io continues its historic, apparently unchecked, inflationary spiral, and thereby guarantees that we attain the highe
st levels of chronic disease on the planet, as well as in the history of humanity:
1) Please set your alarm, but for as late in the morning as you possibly can. There's no better way to start your day than in a total panic, thereby expending what little Magnesium (Mg) remains following a restless night's sleep.
Drag yourself out of bed, get a nice HOT shower 23, and be sure to brush your teeth with a brand name toothpaste.24 This post-slumber combo will flood your body with toxic halogens (Chlorine gas and Fluoride), which are amazing at binding up Mg, thereby making it perfectly bio-unavailable.25
2) Befriend your nearest Starbuck's Barista. The really caring ones will sell you a Trenta (31oz) brimming with the strongest coffee on the planet. No kidding! This is an amazing way to fuel the start of your day. Given that your Mg levels are lowest ~7am26, this will flood your body with a Tsunami of caffeine, triggering an unstoppable adrenaline rush, and then wash what little Mg remains during your non-stop trips to the bathroom.27,28 Don’t stress about this – it’s automatic!
3) If possible, on your congested commute to work, please call your spouse, your best friend, your neighbor, or whomever, and pick a fight about some minor, but annoying, habit that they've got. This added emotional tension will really get your stress alarm signals firing. Remember, the less Mg we have (see #1 & #2 above) to tap into, the better for our soaring Ca/Mg strategy.
Now, the slightest provocation will set us off, which will only accelerate our stress hormone response, and further speed the Mg loss. 29 Don't you just love these endless negative feedback loops? Best of all, they’re all over the body.
4) Now, right about 10am, just when your blood sugar is heading toward the sub-basement, please start your carb-loading for the day — the more refined, the better. This inevitable sugar spike will necessitate an Insulin spike, which then requires a Mg spike to store all that excess glucose flooding your body. As your body becomes increasingly overwhelmed with these edible food-like substances, the Mg loss will only accelerate.30
5) Ah, it's lunchtime! But be careful. No nuts or seeds, no whole grains, and please, no greens, especially kale or spinach. Again, given that our goal is to amp up the Ca/Mg ratio, please eat the following: a) a cheese sandwich on white bread, b) some non-fat yogurt with "fruit" (a.k.a. sugar) on the bottom, and c) a glass of skim milk. Here's how this simple meal contributes to our skyrocketing ratio of Ca/Mg:31
- Milk = 7 : 1 (That’s 7 parts Calcium to 1 part Magnesium...)
- Yogurt = 11 : 1
- Cheese = 26 : 1
Now if possible, and this is important, please try to repeat this meal every day! Remember, the more habitual your diet, the better your chances for developing a food allergy, which will then add to the growing stressors on your body, thereby further depleting your Mg stores.
6) It's now almost 2pm. At this point in the day, chances are good that, either you have a headache or a stomach ache, or likely both. By all means, pop some OTC drugs — the more popular, the better. The NSAIDs and/or the Proton-pump Inhibitors are awesome for our "No Mg" strategy. In fact, they are among at least 14 classes of drugs that deplete your body of Mg.32 (Please, read that sentence again, slooooowly...)
And given that Ca and Mg work in a seesaw fashion in your body, when one goes down (i.e. Mg), it's a lock that the other goes up (i.e. Ca)! Yes! And you never even saw that one coming in your daily rituals, now did you?
7) OK, we've made it through that incredibly boring and/or stressful meeting at work, now it's snack time!!! Let's really bring "Maggie" to her knees... Please follow this step very carefully: chow down on any kind of processed, packaged snack, ideally cooked in partially hydrogenated vegetable oil – my favorite is potato chips! - and swig down a diet soda.
The chips, due to the trans fatty acids, are perfectly designed to stimulate Ca growth (a.k.a. calcification and arterial plaque) and deplete Mg levels inside your artery walls 33 and the HFCS (please forgive me, the newly named: "Corn Sugars") are known to bind up your cellular Mg due to the excess fructose sugars.34 Wow, how sweeet is that?!?
8) It's been a tough day – but you still need a good workout! Let's really go for it — hard cardio for 30-40 min. There's nothing better than an intense workout at the end of the day to completely drain the Mg in your heart and muscle tissues.
Now for you aerobophiles, keep in mind that it's Mg that enables ATP to release that Phosphorous atom and thereby create "energy!" 35 The more intense the workout, the more ATP that’s needed, and thus the more Mg that must get expended.
If possible, please keep running until you totally cramp up, as this is the perfect sign of near total magnesium depletion.
And when you're done, please re-hydrate with one of the more popular "sport drinks," but be sure that it has tons of sugar (as most do) and NO Mg — which they ALL have missing! The last thing we want at this point is metabolic "recovery!"
By the way, the sugar serves as a perfect diuretic 36, and keeping those muscles cramped up only adds to our rising Ca/Mg ratio...
9) Thank heavens! Now we can finally eat our BIG meal for the day! And given how stressful today has been, don't we deserve a treat? Never mind that it's getting late (likely after 9pm, if you do this correctly), so let's have something really yummy, but fast!
My sincere recommendation: a triple cheese (low-fat, of course) deep-dish pizza (with refined crust), and wash it down with some wine and/or beer. Ditto on the cheese and refined crust, and just know that there's no better diuretic on the planet than alcohol — the fastest sugar there is. It totally drains your Mg levels — trust me on that one. 37
And then let's top it off with some ice cream — Yes! More dairy, and even more sugar... You know, it's almost too easy driving our Ca/Mg ratio to the Moon, wouldn't you agree?
10) And finally, please stay up, as late as possible – just ignore that fact that you're totally exhausted. After all, you just ate your biggest meal a couple of hours ago, and it needs to digest!
Again, whatever you can do to maintain this heightened state of sympathetic overdrive will be key 38: surf the web endlessly, watch an adrenalin-crazed movie, or stay up with Dave, then Conan, etc.
And if you do this right — and I'm confident you will — all that sugar and electronic stimulation will totally disrupt your sleep pattern, thus raising your key stress hormone: Cortisol. There's no better way to zap Mg in your body than through chronic stress, and thus chronically elevated Cortisol levels. 39
Wow! Not bad, for just a single day's work!
Aren't you exhausted just thinking about this right about now?
Do NOT take Magnesium
And while I know it's tempting, please NO Magnesium supplements!
Wait! What am I saying?
I almost forgot that this article is being sponsored by Jigsaw Health, one of the country’s leading magnesium supplement companies...
Ok, well if you must, please make sure that the magnesium supplements you buy are as weak and as inorganic as possible. 40,41
Again, please stay focused! Remember, our goal here is to MAXimize the Ca/Mg ratio, right?
Using a restorative magnesium supplement that has clinically-proven, superior absorption properties is the LAST thing we want in our over-stressed bodies, right? 42
So there you have it! 10 easy steps — day, by day. If you do exactly as I suggest, you’ll be sure to get sick, which can only benefit your doctor and hospital – right?
Why, I’m so confident — I’ll even guarantee it!
A migraine today, likely hypertension, a stroke or a heart attack, tomorrow.
And if we're both lucky, I'll be seeing you in the local Emergency Room, assuming that there’s room...
Disclaimer - The contents of this article are based upon the farcically-constructed, but scientifically-based findings of Morley Robbins. He is convinced the American people have been misled... and seriously misfed for the last 60 years about what to eat, and more importantly, what not to eat, to allegedly stave off disease. These “paradoxical intentions” are meant to wake you up! They are not meant to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional. Furthermore, shame on you if you think they are intended as “medical advice.”
Morley encourages you to take responsibility for your own health care decisions based upon inspired research, and in partnership with a qualified health care professional who can think well outside the box of today’s vogue, misguided, biologically-incorrect, but very “politically-correct” medical and dietary recommendations that are fueling the epidemic of chronic disease raging across America.
While not professionally licensed to “prescribe” a diet or lifestyle in the State of Illinois, or any State for that matter, if he were in your body, he would simply not do any of the ten (10) steps outlined in this “Let’s Get Sick!” article.
In closing, Morley is in total agreement with Prof. Pierre Delbet (1861-1957) — Magnesium should be considered a food and not a drug...
Proceed at your own risk... and perfect your own reward.
- National Hospital Discharge Survey, NCHS.
- Data for 1960-1998 from the National Health Interview Survey, NCHS, CDC.
- Stafford, RS, et al, National Trends in Osteoporosis Visits & Osteoporosis Treatment, 1988-2003; Archives of Internal Medicine 2004 July 26; 164:1525-1530.
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- Kummerow, FA, et al, The Influence of Egg Consumption on the Serum Cholesterol Level in Human Subjects. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition 1977; 30:664-673; and Kummerow, FA, Nutrition Imbalance and angiotoxins as dietary risk factors for cardiovascular disease. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition 1979; 32:58-83; and Kummerow, FA, et al, Effect of trans fatty acids on calcium influx into human arterial endothelial cells. American Journal of Clinical Nutrition 1999; 70:832–8; and 300+ peer-reviewed articles that rock the conventional dietary dogma destroying our nation’s health.
- Liu, KJ, et al, Magnesium Intake in Relation to Systemic Inflammation, Insulin Resistance, and the Incidence of Diabetes. Diabetes Care 2010 December; 33(12):2604-10.
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- Seelig, MS, Magnesium Deficiency in the Pathogenesis of Disease: Early Roots of Cardiovascular, Skeletal and Renal Abnormalities, Plenum Medical Book Co., New York, NY, 1980; and Seelig, MS Cardiovascular consequences of magnesium deficiency and loss: Pathogenesis, prevalence, and manifestations – magnesium chloride loss in refractory potassium repletion, American Journal of Cardiology 1989; 53:4g-21g; and Seelig, MS and Rosanoff, A, Comparison of Mechanism and Functional Effects of Magnesium and Statin Pharmaceuticals. Journal of the American College of Nutrition 2004; 23(5):501S–505S; and Seelig, MS and Rosanoff, A, The Magnesium Factor, Penguin Group, New York, NY, 2003; and countless other books, articles and monographs. NOTE: Dr. Seelig devoted her entire clinical & research career to furthering the knowledge and understanding of this blatantly overlooked, but vital nutrient.
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- Altura BM and Altura, BT “Magnesium in Cardiovascular Biology.” Scientific American, Science & Medicine, May/June 1995:28-37.
- Sugar is a perfect diuretic – it requires 28 molecules of Mg to process 1 molecule of glucose as noted by Natasha Campbell-McBride, Gut and Psychology Syndrome, 2010; and Czapp, K., Magnificent Magnesium. Wise Traditions in Food, Farming and the Healing Arts, the quarterly magazine of the Weston A. Price Foundation, Fall 2010.
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